Bin The Badge of Busyness
How are you?
No, really...how are you?
I must confess, I really dislike this question. It's one of those standard greetings that people ask without genuinely being interested in the response. We don't have time, right? We're too busy to stop and listen to the answer, so why do we even ask it?
We ask this question to be polite (in the UK anyway). Still, we secretly hope that people won't actually tell us the truth. In case we have to stop, listen and spend our precious time listening to a never-ending list of woes, complaints or gossip.
What does the question "how are you?" really mean? What is it we are actually asking?
Dig a little deeper, and I'd argue, "how are you?" is probably one of the most profound questions we can ask ourselves and others. If we're prepared to spend time listening more deeply to the answer.
What we could really be asking is:
How are you investing in your one and precious life?
How are you making the most of your limited days on this earth?
How are you spending that most finite of human resources, your time?
(asking these questions would arguably give you a much more exciting and sincere answer too!)
Therefore the crux of the seemingly vacuous mundane question of "How are you" is time and the reflection of this post.
How are you using your time every day?
Because like currency, we spend time.
We barter and exchange our time for leisure, chores, making love, making a mess, arguing, hobbies, exercise, feeling good, feeling bad, feeling guilty or that most enormous waste of time, scrolling. Occasionally, if we're lucky, we'll use it for something we actually like doing.
We invest our precious time in performing a series of actions. Unfortunately, we often forget that once time has passed, it's passed forever. Unlike currency, we cannot make more time. Once it's gone, it's gone.
“How we spend our time is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
Time is our most finite of resources and is guaranteed to end one day for every one of us.
Yet, when someone asks us how we are and what we're up to, how we are spending the miracle of being on this earth, which is roughly 1 in a 400 trillion chance, the most imaginative answer most of us come up with is "I'm fine". Excuse me if I scream a little inside. Is that the best we can do?!
In 2021, I became so fed up with hearing myself repeatedly saying, "I'm fine", in response to the mandatory greeting of 'how are you?' I decided it was time to change.
Alongside the standard "I'm fine", my other formulaic answers were:
"all good thanks and you?" (which acknowledges that you know the other person isn't really interested in your response')
"all fine, thanks, nothing to report." (Argh! I could slap my own face when I come out with that one.)
And the most tremendous cringe-worthy waste of an answer of all: "Oh, you know, busy as usual".
Bin The Badge of Busyness
It's no secret that wearing the badge of busyness has become the mark of an obviously very important person in this day and age.
Well, it's a badge that belongs in the bin.
We've come to understand that if you are busy, you are working hard - I suppose that's why it's seen as a noble way to spend our time. Work hard, and we'll be rewarded. Busyness = valuable, correct? Wrong.
We're working harder than ever in the 21st Century, yet we are paying an unfortunate price. Unhealthy lifestyles and increased workplace stress levels have contributed to the spread of chronic degenerative diseases and mental disorders: coronary heart disease, cancer, strokes, type 2 diabetes, musculoskeletal disorders, depression, dementia, burnout and stress. The World Health Organisation (WHO) has previously called stress the "Health Epidemic of the 21st Century".
“Being too busy has become an excuse to stop engaging with what we relish. Instead, we’ve plugged the activities we enjoy or value, between the gaps of busyness.”
How's that busyness badge working out for you now?
We tell ourselves that we'll enjoy our life and engage in activities or hobbies we enjoy once we've overcome the to-do list and never-ending set of chores. When we're not busy.
Being too busy has become an excuse to stop engaging with what we relish. Instead, we've plugged the activities we enjoy or value, between the gaps of busyness.
It's time to reflect and reframe my friends.
One of the definitions of busy I actually like is:
'to be actively and attentively engaged in work or a pastime.'(dictionary.com)
With this definition, all activity, work AND pleasure, count as time spent. Therefore, being busy is just a state of being engaged in action at any given moment in time. Not something to overcome. Not a badge to be worn proudly.
In our day to day reality, it’s when we are doing things we dislike, that our time becomes overwhelmed by the busyness demon. A demon we find ourselves having to fight, cajole and negotiate with.
On the other end of the spectrum of time and busyness, is when you feel like you’ve transcended time - I often feel like this when I’m drawing. Sometimes referred to as flow. When I'm engrossed in something I enjoy, the time has a feeling of endless joy. I don't feel time. I become time.
You see, the busy demon and flow can appear any time during work or play. It's simply a matter of how I respond to the activities I’m involved with. How my time is being spent. How I choose to respond to the activities (this is where mindfulness practice is helpful.) So busyness is merely your attitude towards your time and how you spend it.
The Obvious Caveat
Before some smart Alec raises their hand, yes, I know I know. What about work, kids, responsibilities blah blah - all of the things we have obvious time commitments to?
I get it. I have 3 kids, 2 jobs and myriad things I want to do with my life, and I understand the appeal of using the excuse of the busyness badge as much as the next person.
I've realised that instead of complaining about time, or not having enough of it, or the speed at which it seems to be passing, I have a choice on how I spend or invest it. How I'll respond to it.
Obviously, like paying monetary currency towards my bills, a certain amount of my time has to be spent on basic human needs, being a mother, wife, homeowner, employee, etc.
But I also acknowledge I have other 'spare', unallocated time to play with too. Spending this time complaining about being busy, tired or 'fine' is just an utter waste of time!
I'd already decided last year that as of January 2022, I'm starting a new life experiment with my time on this earth.
An investigation I'm calling 'The UnBusy Life'.
I wrote about this Unbusy, Unhurried Life in my journal during December 2021, the busiest month of the St Clair calendar.
Here's what I wrote:
What is the UnBusy Life?
Accepting things as they are right now. By first recognising the need in myself 'to do’ all of the time, push forward, strive towards the next project. Recognising perfectionism and its futility. And dropping it.
Instead, go with the flow rather than against it all of the time. Obviously, changing when it's necessary - standing up to what's needed - but having a more general feeling of acceptance to what is present, what we have right now. After all, it could all end tomorrow anyway. It's all impermanent, and nothing is guaranteed.
All the clues are there in nature. As I write this, I watch a beautiful vibrant red cloud fade to a bluey grey as the unhurried sun gently rises this morning. As I watch, the rich luminescent fluff fades to nothing eventually, reminding me to appreciate beauty as it happens, accepting the eventuality of its disappearance. The sky, the weather, everything, will fade and evaporate completely one day. Including me.
I also learn from the growing number and size of houseplants filling the room right now. They offer another excellent analogy for how we can approach life.
We plant seeds or take cuttings. We tend and care for them with the water, food, and light to flourish. But we have to be patient. Simply wait. As long as the environment is correct, we accept we can do no more. We can't force the plants to grow, fruit or flower - we have to allow them to be and develop in their own time.
Sometimes the environment isn't right; they won't grow or flourish; they may even die. Like the plants, we have to accept it's not always going to be the right time or environment for our ideas or projects to thrive and flourish.
I love the sense of acceptance and peacefulness in all of this.
I can still have the desire to make and do; that's human. I can plant the seeds of ideas and projects and nurture them. Weed out the unnecessary, thin out the weaklings and give things space to breathe, root and spread out. But comfort and peace is knowing they'll flourish, or not, in their own time.
After writing this journal entry, I decided I would do my best to omit the busyness from my life. Making time for stillness, peace, and acceptance was more important than 'getting things done’.
Alternative Answers
Ask me how I am, and my new phrases for 2022 now include:
I'm focused on my goal of ...
I'm enjoying life being ...
I'm making the most of time by doing ...
I'm enjoying the thought of ...
I'm concentrating on ...
I'm loving the latest ...
I'm relishing the joy of ...
I'm intentionally unbusy.
I'm unhurried.
So tell me now, how are you?
Georgie x