Kryptonite for Negative Thoughts: A Visualisation

Today I feel unbelievably at peace. I have a tremendous sense of well-being and, dare I say, happiness. This is an unusual feeling, and my brain wants to throw a spanner in the works right now and say:

"it will never last."

"something bad is bound to happen."

"you don't deserve it."

My brain says these words in a Monty Python-esque, Terry Jones, Life Of Brian voice, adding, "you're a very naughty girl!"

In my morning pages today, I touched upon this pervasive voice. 
It's so sneaky. It sounds like me, acts like me, but it's not. 

It is a voice that has developed over many years - through my childhood, teenage years and well into my 20s. Formed by bullies, ill-advised but well-meaning relatives, growing up in the 80s when attitudes to shy, sensitive girls were less than complimentary and simply hanging out with the wrong people because I was scared of my own shadow.

It's taken me until now, my almost mid 40's, to see this pattern and recognise the voice that has been responsible for some severe self-sabotaging.

The voice in our heads is actually acting out of self-preservation. The voice, for the purposes of this post, let's call it Groll, wants to protect us from harm and from danger. Groll thinks by being mean or negative, they'll stop us from entering a situation that could potentially hurt us. Emotionally mostly.

Unfortunately, Groll's well-intentioned words often have the opposite effect. Negative internal dialogue can spiral into depression, low mood, anxiety and unhelpful habits.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

A staple of my mindfulness training and practice was learning that 'thoughts aren't facts' and 'we are not our thoughts'. 
(Write that down somewhere you can see it easily - it's one of the most important lessons you can learn.)

We learn to observe thoughts alongside the emotions and sensations that accompany them in our bodies during our mindfulness practice.

In fact, it's the physical sensations we may often notice first.
Perhaps as butterflies in the tummy, aches and pains in our shoulders or back or a general feeling of lethargy. Possibly feeling that things "just aren't right".

Next, perhaps in that same moment or over time, the actual thoughts/words will present themselves. This is Groll. Groll will second guess you or tell you to be wary of the people around you. Saying words like:

"Don't say that; they'll think your stupid."

"Did you see that look he gave you? He's clearly looking down his nose at you". "They don't take you seriously, you know; you should probably just keep quiet". "Seriously, you shouldn't wear that; you're far too old and flabby!"

"Your artwork just isn't up to scratch; you're better off leaving it and doing something much more useful. Be good. The washing needs putting on, and the dishwasher needs emptying. That's a much better use of your time."

Recognise any of these?

Those sentences are just a tiny fraction of the daily thoughts that plagued my mind at my lowest point a few years ago. But then I discovered mindfulness and learnt that I don't have to believe everything I hear Groll pervasively telling me. 

Ignore it.

This voice is also known as the inner critic, saboteur, and imposter. It's part of an ancient process designed to protect us from predators once upon a time. But it's defunct most of the time in our modern life and instead just causes us to overthink and feel a bit crap.

A visualisation to eliminate unhelpful thoughts

If you hear the voice, try these steps to train your brain to ignore this sneaky voice. You can do this exercise at any moment, pretty much anywhere, and it can take as little as 5 minutes.

• Let's get out of our heads for a moment. Ground yourself by focusing your attention on your feet on the floor or your bum on the chair. Then notice what's happening in your environment. Birds singing. Mechanical noises of computers, gadgets or appliances, perhaps. People chattering or traffic passing by. Do this for 1 - 2 minutes.

• When you're ready, take your focus to your body. Notice the sensations around breathing. The inhale and exhale of your breath. Or the aches, pains or itches in your body. Don't try to change anything; simply notice. At this stage, if a thought arises, firmly but kindly take your focus back to your body. Do this for 1 - 2 minutes.
  By now, the voice in your head may have quietened; however, if it hasn't, that's OK too. There's no right or wrong to this.

• Next is the tricky bit. Allow the sneaky self-critical thoughts to arrive. But take the position of a passive observer. As if you're watching them on a screen or they are someone else thoughts. Do this for no more than 1 minute.

• The next step is your kryptonite against sabotaging critical thoughts.
  As soon as negative thinking arrives, use it as your cue to imagine something else.
  Literally, take your mind somewhere else - but make it lovely, beautiful. Maybe your happy place, someone you love, a delicious meal you want to cook, the lovely bit of cake waiting for you at the cafe. For me, I visualise the art I want to make; the feeling of safety when I have a cuddle with my husband; the peacefulness in my daughters face when she is sleeping, or the fresh baby smell of my 3 kids that only babies have and is just so delicious!

  This is your practice.

By doing this visualisation exercise, you are retraining your brain to move away from negative thoughts or sabotaging voices to more positive ones. 

I love to imagine that the negative neural pathways, that developed in my childhood and early life, will wither, grow weak, and eventually die off over time. By visualising something lovely, I'm creating new and positive pathways which will ultimately become my default way of thinking. The positive connections will grow, and the negative ones will eventually be pruned away entirely because they are no longer needed. 

Because this is how our brains are wired - neuroplasticity - embrace the power of it!
No matter your age, you can change the way you think.

Over time, by practising this visualisation, I've offset my own negative thoughts and emotions. I used to take myself away from situations, but lately, I can use this visualisation in a matter of seconds, in the moment, rather than after the event. As I said, this comes from practice. It's a brain workout, and if you use this type of visualisation, yours will strengthen over time too.

One of the most important questions you can ask:
so what?!

And if the thoughts just keep plaguing you, ask yourself:

“Who cares anyway?
So what?
What's the worst that could happen?
If Mr or Ms Panty Draws doesn't like me and thinks I'm stupid or worthless, that's their problem, not mine."

I'm a kind, loving, generous, fabulously awesome person!
Wrinkles, spots, warts, and all.”

And so are you, my friends.
Gx